


You shouldn't have

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, M/M, Non-Consensual, hurt-comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-09
Updated: 2005-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-01 09:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/355286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beware how you take away hope from another human being (Oliver Wendell Holmes). [02/06/04]</p>
            </blockquote>





	You shouldn't have

## You shouldn't have

by silvina

[]()

* * *

Standard Disclaimer. Not owning them won't stop me from doing things like this. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com. 

As the credits rolled he realized that Lex had fallen asleep. An evil smile crossed his face. Revenge . . . As he looked at Lex though, he couldn't do it. Lex wasn't the type to be pranked, and there was something so innocent about him lying there, trustingly asleep, that he just couldn't. He could make Lex a little more comfortable and put him to bed before heading home himself, though. 

Carrying Lex to the bed without waking him was easy. Taking off his belt and pants proved harder, especially when he realized that Lex wasn't wearing his usual boxer briefs. Or anything at all under his pants. 

Apparently somebody had had plans for the night that didn't include sleeping alone. He realized that his hand had been petting Lex's cock like an old friend, and as a teenage boy a stiff breeze could get him going. They hadn't really gone very far beyond handjobs and rubbing but there was something he'd always wanted to try. 

Lex tasted good, really good, and he tried to remember what he'd read on the net. It was weird to have Lex in front of him like this without the distraction of Lex touching him. Only one part of Lex was waking up, the rest was still asleep, and this made him brave enough to try swallowing. 

"Please don't, mommy." 

Well, that was strange. For a moment he thought that Lex was awake and playing with him, but aside from having just come, Lex was sleeping as peacefully as he had been before, a small frown marring his face. Clark chalked it up to random synapses firing in Lex's over active brain at the time, but a small part of him remained concerned. 

A few days later he wanted to try giving another blow job, but Lex refused. 

"I said no, Clark." 

"But why? Come on, Lex." 

"I don't like getting blow jobs. Come on, let me make you feel good." 

"No way. Not if you won't let me make you feel good too. Think of it as proper bedroom etiquette." 

"I've got a better idea." 

And it was a better idea, but that night he realized he'd been manipulated into distraction. Something wasn't right, and it all led back to what Lex had said. Why would Lex associate his mother with receiving blow jobs? 

Nothing made any sense until he woke up one morning having finally connected the dots. He didn't like the only solution that he'd come up with, but it fit all the evidence he had. He didn't want to believe it, but was it possible that Lex had been molested by his mother? He vacillated between being sure that he was right and being just as sure that he was making things up. If he was right it was obvious that Lex had repressed almost every memory of anything bad his mother had done. To hear Lex talk, Lillian Luthor was a saint. 

He needed to run his worries past someone, and his mother was the first person he thought of. The sick feeling in his stomach wouldn't go away. 

"Do you have a moment, Mom? I wanted to talk to you about something." 

She wiped her hands. "Sounds serious. What's going on?" 

"I have this friend-" 

"Clark, if something is wrong-" 

"No really, it's about a friend. I promise." 

"I think you better tell me what's going on." 

"I found out something recently, or at least I'm pretty sure I did, and I'm not sure what to do about it." 

"What did you find out?" 

"I think someone I know might have been sexually abused." 

"That's a serious accusation, Clark. Are you sure?" 

"I think so. You and dad taught me early the places where no one was allowed to touch me without my permission. Good touch, bad touch." 

"Is your friend in any danger right now?" 

"No. They don't even remember it, and the person who did it is dead." 

"What are you going to do?" 

"I don't know." 

"I think you need to be very sure of your suspicions before you take further action, Clark." 

This led him to the only other person who might have knowledge of anything having to do with Lillian Luthor: Lionel Luthor. 

The elder Luthor stood up as he entered. "I was very surprised when my secretary said you wanted to see me." 

"It's about Lex. I'm not sure how to say this." 

Lionel smiled. "If this concerns your relationship with my son I'm well aware of it. If you plan to try your hand at blackmail-" 

"No! It's not like that. I'm worried about him." 

"All right, you have my attention." 

"Lex was . . . close to his mother." 

Lionel's face changed minutely, and only his recent practice in reading Lex let him catch it. "Yes, he was. And?" 

"Extremely close?" 

"Perhaps." 

"Too close?" 

"I see. You need not concern yourself with this any further. I'll see the situation is handled." 

And just like that he found himself dismissed, unsure if he'd done the right thing. He had, at least, confirmed his suspicions, no matter how obliquely. 

He hadn't quite decided what to do when he saw Lex the next morning, but he went with his first instinct, to tell Lex and offer his support. 

"Uh, Lex, can we talk?" 

"Of course, Clark. What's up?" 

"I need to confess something." 

That got Lex's attention. "I'm listening." 

"I wasn't being fully honest when I said I had to see someone yesterday about deliveries." 

"How so?" 

"The person I went to see was Lionel Luthor." 

"My father?" He nodded. "What could you possibly want to see my father about?" 

"Do you remember the night you fell asleep while we were watching a movie?" 

"Yes." 

"I wanted to make you comfortable and put you to bed before I went home." 

"As I recall I woke up in my bed." 

He nodded. "I was taking off your pants when I realized that you weren't wearing underwear." 

"There was a plan-" 

He knew Lex was trying to lighten the mood, but he didn't want to be distracted. "I took advantage of you." He admitted. 

"I would have consented. But what does that have to do with my father?" 

"I tried to give you a blow job." 

Lex's face closed. There was no other way to describe it. 

"You never really woke up, but when you came you said something that concerned me." 

"What did I say." 

He swallowed nervously. Once he said it, there would be no going back. "You said, 'please don't, mommy.'" Lex looked away and he continued in a rush. "I didn't know what to make of it, but it struck me as an odd thing to say." 

"What's your point, Clark." 

"I went to see your father because I finally put the pieces together and I wanted to confirm what I thought before deciding what to do." He paused, but Lex wasn't looking at him. "He said that I didn't need to concern myself any further because he would handle it from there." 

"It being?" 

"That your mother molested you." 

"No." 

"Lex-" 

"No. My mother loved me. She wouldn't hurt me." 

"My mother said that sometimes people do bad things because they don't realize they're hurting someone. You told me you're mother spent a lot of times in hospitals where they wouldn't let you visit. I believe she was being treated for-" 

"Shut up. Just shut up, Clark." 

"Think about it, Lex. Why do you react the way you do when I suggest giving you a blow job? What is it that makes you so desperate to divert my attention and distract me into doing something else?" He knew he was pressuring Lex, but if he could just get Lex to admit it, they could do something. "Why would you say, 'please don't, mommy'?" 

"No." 

"Think, Lex. Think back. Why 'please don't, mommy'? What do you remember?" 

"I don't want to remember!" Lex yelled, and Clark realized that he'd backed Lex against the wall. Suddenly he was nervous. This wasn't the in control Lex he was used to. The Lex in front of him was like a cornered animal. He pulled away to let Lex pull himself together. 

When Lex looked up after a few minutes, Clark shivered. Lex's eyes were cold and knowing. 

"Are you okay?" 

Lex answered, but Clark got the feeling that Lex wasn't even seeing him. "She used to say that I was the only one who loved her, and she was the only one who loved me and that we were the only people in the world who mattered." 

"That's a lie!" 

"Are you calling my mother a liar, too?" 

"Lex, that isn't true. You're not alone." 

"Yes, I am. All alone." 

"No, you're not. I love you. Your father loves you." 

"Are you blind? He hates me and now I finally understand why. I deserve it." 

"No Lex. You don't, and he doesn't. When I talked to him he was worried. He loves you. I think he blames himself. You were just a kid." 

"A freak." 

"No! You're not a freak and you never were. Don't you get it? He felt guilty because he didn't realize what was going on and make it stop. He blamed himself and every time he looked at you all he could see was his mistakes. His mistakes, not yours." 

"You don't know that. You don't know anything. You said you loved me." Lex laughed. "If you loved me you wouldn't have said anything." 

"Keeping something like that hidden isn't good for you, Lex." 

"Good for me? Who are you to decide what's good for me? Dammit Clark, I didn't want to know. There was one thing I had . No matter what else, I had my mother's love. You took that away from me and left me with nothing." He turned suddenly. "Did it make you feel like a hero? Clark Kent, bringer of truth and all that is right? Who named you judge, jury, and executioner of my life? Who put you in charge of deciding what was right for me?" 

"Lex, I love you. I only wanted to help." With each step forward that Lex took, Clark took a step back until he felt the wall behind him. They had reversed their positions of earlier, but Lex wasn't backing down." 

Instead he threw a punch, and Clark was so surprised he didn't even duck. As soon as his fist hit what probably felt like a brick wall, Lex screamed. Clark quickly x-rayed Lex's hand, and realized that Lex had done some damage. As Lex cradled his injured hand Clark called Toby. He must have been nearby because he was wrapping Lex's hand inside of fifteen minutes. 

"So what happened?" 

Lex hadn't said a word since throwing the punch, so Clark was surprised when he answered. "I punched a wall." 

Toby grunted. "Of course. Do it again and you might permanently damage your hand." He finished gathering his things. 

"I'll keep that in mind." 

"Thanks, Toby." Clark said as he walked him to the door. "Try and keep him from hitting any more hard objects, okay?" 

"Will do." 

He headed back to Lex, but he was gone. Running back outside, Clark realized that Lex had taken off in one of his cars. It was a good thing that the Luthor castle wasn't in the center of Smallville, because Clark didn't give a second thought before speeding down the road to catch up with Lex. He followed the car until Lex parked, only then realizing that they were at Lillian Luthor's grave site. He watched from cover as Lex attacked the tombstone with everything he could get his hands on. Finally afraid that Lex would hurt himself further, he held Lex. 

Or tried to. Lex fought like a wild cat to get loose, moaning only, "No, no, no, no, no." 

It was enough to break Clark's heart and make him sorry he'd ever heard of Lillian Logan Luthor. 

"I loved her and I hated her." Lex said when he finally gave up fighting. 

Clark didn't know how to respond to that. "I'm sorry, Lex. I'm so, so sorry." 

There was nothing else he could say. 


End file.
